The Apprentice: series five, week one

Posted by Stewart Turner

Anita Shah - The Apprentice

It’s only the first week, but have we already found this year’s heir to the Katie Hopkins Throne of Evil? With her piercing, blue-eyed icy stare, raven-black hair and permanently pursed lips, Debra Barr looks to be a formidable opponent. And she's not afraid of a fight. Indeed, dastardly Debs seemed to positively relish last night’s boardroom battle, if only because it gave her a chance to show off the shiny new trouser suit she picked up from Zara for the occasion.

As this season's 15-strong bunch of budding tycoons set about bellowing out the usual guff about giving 110%, a number of pressing questions immediately sprang to mind. Does Ben really think making money is better than sex? And has he borrowed Raef Bajyou’s lucky braces to wear for the rest of the series? Have Oasis record sales really slumped so much that poor Nicole Appleton has to find work with Amstrad to pay for Liam Gallagher's new desert boots? And does science teacher Noorul, a man with an accent that makes Sir Alan sound like Brian Sewell, really think he sounds posh? Hopefully the next couple of months will reveal all.

As is customary, Sir Alan blooded in the new bunch with a nasty, degrading cleaning task, presumably in his ongoing search for the modern-day equivalent of selling TV aerials out of the back of that bloody van of his. After showing the world the fruits of some between-series acting lessons (Elton John? Lumps of coal?), Old Prune Face "laid on" a couple of white vans and a budget of £200 to splash out on some of Mr Vileda’s finest.

That £200 was important, for it turned out that the ladies’ decision to splurge £195 on mops, buckets and pressure washers ultimately cost them the task. In fact, since the guys’ team seem to spend most of the day drenching the entire Addison Lee fleet’s upholstery in lukewarm soapy water, project manager Mona and the gang could probably have spent a fiver on a sponge, hit the pub for the day with the rest and still come out on top.

A visibly shaken Mona decided to take Devious Debra and Anita into the boardroom, with the latter ending up the first to feel the wrath of Sir Alan’s firing finger. Whether her dubious mathematical skills or haplessness with a hosepipe ultimately let her down, we’ll never be entirely sure, but the big man probably made the right choice. “In 10 years’ time,” cooed Anita, “Sir Alan will look back and regret his decision.” I wouldn’t be so sure of that, love…

SEE ALSO:

'Oh my god, what does my face look like?': Anita interviewed >>

Originally published here

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