Seven Days, Wednesday 10pm, Channel 4

Originally published on Orange.co.uk

Posted by Stewart Turner

Seven Days
Ever wished you could have a quiet word with Carla off Coronation Street in a bid to curb her whisky-guzzling? Or tell Stacey Slater that scrapping in Albert Square is really rather unladylike? This could be the show for you. New Channel 4 "docusoap" (just don't call it reality TV, OK?) Seven Days gives us the chance to interact with up to 18 inhabitants of Notting Hill, making suggestions and giving advice via a 'ChatNav' on the show's website.

Much like the eponymous movie version of Notting Hill, Seven Days features more than its fair share of annoying poshos, and if the makers of the show were counting on making a good first impression and gripping the viewer from the outset, they certainly could've chosen a better pair to introduce us to than interior designer Hannah and her "mummy". Within about 30 seconds of watching them rah-rah-rahing over glasses of champagne at a private view I was punching an old Big Brother eviction number into my mobile to see if Davina could come along and save us.

Similarly insufferable were rake-thin Sloane Rangers Laura and Samantha. As the camera crews followed them around the sex shops of London in their vain attempt to pick up a couple of French maid's outfits for some kind of bizarre shoe awards ceremony, my will to live shrivelled up by the second. Other lowlights? Javan the aspiring musician has received a rather large council tax bill (gasp!), property developer Malcolm is struggling to borrow £300,000 to get a mortgage on his 30th house (or something). Oh, and Cassie likes to talk about IVF. A lot.

In fact, the whole thing plays a little like a well-crafted argument for nuking Notting Hill so we never have to witness such a bunch of self-important, overprivileged berks ever again. "Tell them what to do next." flashed a note on the screen at the end of the show. I've got a few ideas...

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